I carried my tray of empty dishes towards the pass-through counter of the dish-washing room at the Project Patch Youth Program. I had been blabbing with some kids and staff and was one of the last to take my dishes up. There was a precarious stack of plates, cups, and bowls, and I had this foreboding feeling as I approached that it wouldn’t end well for me. I was able to put my plate and cup on the stack without a problem, but the peace and all conversation in the dining room came to a crashing and abrupt end right after I placed my bowl on top of the leaning tower of bowls. It was a domino-effect of chaos as the bowls crashed into the cups, and before I knew it there were about 75 bowls and cups crashing across the floor.
The teens were staring at me wondering what I would do. Would I shout and blame? Would I act like it’s someone else’s problem and leave the cleanup to them?
Instead, I used a great phrase from Curt Shirer, one of our past counselors, and said, “Wow! I sure made that look easy!” We all laughed, and I started cleaning up the mess. They helped me, teased me, and we got the job done quickly. This embarrassing and maddening moment was transformed into a chance to connect and have fun.
The event changes, but I’ve come to really appreciate this magical moment in which time stops. This pause comes right after I do something really stupid or embarrassing in front of a bunch of people. The audiences seem to hold their breath in a collective gasp as they wonder how I’m going to react to this horrific experience. The people watching me know how they would respond (crawl underground) but aren’t sure how I’m going to handle it. I shake off the shock, and then if I’m lucky, I grasp just how funny the situation is and laugh. This not only brings me relief, but it also allows the people around me to laugh, and in some amazing way we feel more connected than before.
There is power in not taking yourself too seriously and being able to handle challenging situations with humor, perspective, and humility.
Our brains are really helpful in protecting us, but not very good at noticing that what just happened was funny. Even before we can comprehend the full extent of the danger, our brain and body react quickly in three ways: fight, flight, and freeze (okay, there is a fourth called fornicate, but let’s not go there). One of the parts of our brain, the amygdala (watch a 5-minute video on how this part of your brain works) is responsible for quickly making associations between input (all our senses), and telling our body to react. It helps us by assessing the situation, and if it is similar in any way to a previous threat, it will jump-start a series of reactions to “protect us”. This is great when there is an actual threat, but it isn’t good when we incorrectly identify something as a threat that isn’t. If you remember Pavlov, his bell, and the slobbering dogs, the amygdala is at the heart of reacting before we even have time to process.
Our first reaction when we do something stupid or embarrassing is carried out in the amygdala, rather than from a place of logic. Our brain is rushing to self-protection mode, which many times is the right answer. However, many times our reaction may not be the best long-term way of handling things. It will bring short-term relief, but come at the cost of long-term effectiveness.
As adults, we learn over time that we can better maintain relationships and protect our reputation if we can slow down our emotional reaction. Instead of allowing a very impulsive emotional outburst, we can put things into perspective and react in a somewhat positive way. We learn that there are certain times in which laughing and not taking ourselves too seriously is the best reaction. I’m not saying we are superficial or out of touch emotionally, I am saying that laughter is the best medicine.
Here are some key reasons you should laugh at yourself, and teach your kids to laugh at themselves:
- It models and helps them experience a key principle; laugh “with” people, not “at” people.
- Our laughter reduces tension in us and the people around us.
- It teaches them to look at life from a different perspective.
- It shows that our first impulse isn’t always the most helpful.
- It makes life more fun.
Do you remember getting a good laugh from a mistake you made? What happened and how did laughter transform that situation? (Comment Below)
Posted: March 28, 2014 by Chuck Hagele
Would you rather talk to your kids about sex or money?
Talking and teaching about money isn’t easy, but raising money-smart kids is one of the best things we can do.
I’ve been looking forward to the upcoming release of “Smart Money, Smart Kids: Raising the Next Generation to Win with Money” by Dave Ramsey and Rachel Cruze (his middle daughter). In fact, I’ve pre-ordered twice because one copy won’t be enough.
The reason I’m so excited about this book is that like all things Ramsey, it provides a template or road map for not only teaching knowledge but also changing the behavior around money decisions. I know my kids need to learn to spend, save and give but it has been a struggle in our home to develop those behaviors.
My wife and I both have our MBA degrees and a pretty extensive understanding of accounting, finance and economics, but our knowledge didn’t change our behavior enough to protect us from our own decisions about money. We knew the right things to do, but we needed help from Dave Ramsey to get to the point that our behavior changed.
As parents we need to not only teach our kids about money, we need to develop their money muscles and behaviors that will help them with their money.
I was thrilled early this month when I was selected to be a part of the social media team that is helping get the word out about this book. I’m not getting paid for this, but I did get an electronic copy for free already and it is awesome.
I’ll be sharing more about the book in the weeks to come, but want to share two impressions of the book that I think make it even better than I anticipated.
First, the book is written in short sections with Rachel sharing her thoughts and Dave sharing his. They even have different fonts! I first found it a bit jarring but really grew to like it and before the first chapter was done, I was hooked. Rachel’s teaches ideas and shares her perspective on what it is like to grow up under these rules. Dave shares his perspective, the years of experience and what it was like for a parent to learn along with his kids. The stories have depth and connectivity that wouldn’t be possible without both views. It really makes the concepts come to life and be much more life-like because it comes from the perspectives of a kid, grown kid, and parent.
Second, the books are about real life, not perfectionism. Many parenting books make parents feel even more guilty or wound up. This book gives grace to both kids and parents. It is about setting a shared goal and working toward that goal, not creating robots. Our kids, just like us, relate to money in different ways and have natural tendencies toward spending or saving. This book not only helps our spenders save more, it helps our savers spend more.
I’ll be sharing more details about the book in the next few weeks but recommend the following:
Question: Why is it so hard to teach our kids about money?
Posted: March 25, 2014 by Chuck Hagele
Why Ancient Noah’s Faith Still Matters
The world’s abuzz about “Noah” opening this Friday, March 28. So, how do we discuss the movie with family and friends? In this guest blog post, my friend David Sanford points the way.
Today, many people live by the polls. The opinions of others guide their beliefs and votes and choices as if majority rule could possibly set the standards for right and wrong.
If Noah of “Noah and the Ark” fame had been interviewed by Gallup on issues of ethics and morality, he would have found himself completely outnumbered. To his credit, that did not stop Noah from living a blameless life. For the first 500 years of his life, Noah kept on doing right in a world that was going very wrong.
Even after God called him to make a boat that would be his means of rescue from the coming judgment, Noah endured another 100 years of standing against the tide of growing violence and hatred (Hebrews 11:7).
He became a public spectacle, building a ship that no one but his family and the animals would choose to enter, no matter how diligently Noah warned his fellow citizens (2 Peter 2:5).
No one listened, and no one cared, and Noah and his family were the only ones left when the Great Flood swept the inhabited world away (Luke 17:27).
In the end, Noah received the only approval that really mattered: He found favor with God. Because of this, he and his family were spared from otherwise certain destruction.
Like Noah, you and I are never so outnumbered that it is impossible to live by faith, pleasing God.
Tip: You can read the ancient biblical accounts of Noah (Genesis 6:1–9:17) for yourself in about 30 minutes.
Noah’s 17 Faith Affirmations
5 Ancient Heroes of the Faith (Genesis 1-9)
Questions –
Which “Faith Affirmation” of Noah do you most resonate with and why?
To many, the story of Noah is a kid’s story, yet the story through the eyes of an adult and parent is one of a counter-cultural father. How have you seen this story differently as you’ve grown up?
In what ways would you like your kids to copy Noah? In what ways is Noah not a model for us and our kids?
David Sanford serves on the leadership team at Corban University in Salem, Oregon. Among his many publishing credits, David is executive editor of Holy Bible: Mosaic, general editor of Handbook on Thriving as an Adoptive Family, managing editor of the IVP Resonate series, co-author of How to Read Your Bible, and author of If God Disappears: 9 Faith Wreckers and What to Do About Them.
Posted: March 21, 2014 by Chuck Hagele
Teaching Your Kids When to Laugh
I carried my tray of empty dishes towards the pass-through counter of the dish-washing room at the Project Patch Youth Program. I had been blabbing with some kids and staff and was one of the last to take my dishes up. There was a precarious stack of plates, cups, and bowls, and I had this foreboding feeling as I approached that it wouldn’t end well for me. I was able to put my plate and cup on the stack without a problem, but the peace and all conversation in the dining room came to a crashing and abrupt end right after I placed my bowl on top of the leaning tower of bowls. It was a domino-effect of chaos as the bowls crashed into the cups, and before I knew it there were about 75 bowls and cups crashing across the floor.
The teens were staring at me wondering what I would do. Would I shout and blame? Would I act like it’s someone else’s problem and leave the cleanup to them?
Instead, I used a great phrase from Curt Shirer, one of our past counselors, and said, “Wow! I sure made that look easy!” We all laughed, and I started cleaning up the mess. They helped me, teased me, and we got the job done quickly. This embarrassing and maddening moment was transformed into a chance to connect and have fun.
The event changes, but I’ve come to really appreciate this magical moment in which time stops. This pause comes right after I do something really stupid or embarrassing in front of a bunch of people. The audiences seem to hold their breath in a collective gasp as they wonder how I’m going to react to this horrific experience. The people watching me know how they would respond (crawl underground) but aren’t sure how I’m going to handle it. I shake off the shock, and then if I’m lucky, I grasp just how funny the situation is and laugh. This not only brings me relief, but it also allows the people around me to laugh, and in some amazing way we feel more connected than before.
There is power in not taking yourself too seriously and being able to handle challenging situations with humor, perspective, and humility.
Our brains are really helpful in protecting us, but not very good at noticing that what just happened was funny. Even before we can comprehend the full extent of the danger, our brain and body react quickly in three ways: fight, flight, and freeze (okay, there is a fourth called fornicate, but let’s not go there). One of the parts of our brain, the amygdala (watch a 5-minute video on how this part of your brain works) is responsible for quickly making associations between input (all our senses), and telling our body to react. It helps us by assessing the situation, and if it is similar in any way to a previous threat, it will jump-start a series of reactions to “protect us”. This is great when there is an actual threat, but it isn’t good when we incorrectly identify something as a threat that isn’t. If you remember Pavlov, his bell, and the slobbering dogs, the amygdala is at the heart of reacting before we even have time to process.
Our first reaction when we do something stupid or embarrassing is carried out in the amygdala, rather than from a place of logic. Our brain is rushing to self-protection mode, which many times is the right answer. However, many times our reaction may not be the best long-term way of handling things. It will bring short-term relief, but come at the cost of long-term effectiveness.
As adults, we learn over time that we can better maintain relationships and protect our reputation if we can slow down our emotional reaction. Instead of allowing a very impulsive emotional outburst, we can put things into perspective and react in a somewhat positive way. We learn that there are certain times in which laughing and not taking ourselves too seriously is the best reaction. I’m not saying we are superficial or out of touch emotionally, I am saying that laughter is the best medicine.
Here are some key reasons you should laugh at yourself, and teach your kids to laugh at themselves:
Do you remember getting a good laugh from a mistake you made? What happened and how did laughter transform that situation? (Comment Below)