There are some phrases that I’ve used over and over all the while not really knowing what they meant. I’ve gone through over 40 Christmas seasons and only this year, while leading about 30 5-8 year olds in caroling did I ask the question, “What does ‘in ex shell cheese day oh” mean?” Okay, I knew it was latin and spelled differently but I just wasn’t sure. One of the adults googled it for me and you should too.
There is a phrase that I’ve never had a doubt what it means, “Don’t tread on me.” It is on the license plates in Virginia and it’s origin goes way back. General Gadsden used it to motivate his troops during the American Revolution. The idea is pretty clear, mess with my freedom and you’ll regret it.
Taking away freedom is one of the touchiest things we can do. As I write this, it jumped out at me that I’m really protective of my freedom but I don’t give a second thought about taking away the freedom of my kids. I know their chances of reaching adulthood safely require me to take freedoms but I shouldn’t be surprised when it bothers them.
I’ve been reading Ask It: The Question That Will Revolutionize How You Make Decisions
by Andy Stanley in which he gives a seemingly basic model for making wise decisions. The question is, “What is the wise thing to do?” And then give three specific areas to focus on.
- Given my history (is this the wise thing to do?)
- Given my present circumstances (is this the wise thing to do?)
- Given my future hopes and dreams (is this the wise thing to do?)
It’s a good book and I it helped me. I wish I had read it as a teen and encourage parents to read and share the book with their kids.
I won’t even try to capture the book in this short post, however I’d like to focus on question #1.
What Andy teaches is that our history reduces our options. There are options which seem really good because they are morally fine, scripturally fine, and would be perfectly good decisions except one problem, our personal history. My history makes this particular decision unwise.
Think for a minute and if you are like me you know areas where you’ve made mistakes over and over. These don’t have to be huge moral or addiction related either. Given my history, I can’t use the snooze button. I’ve tried and every time, I end up sleeping too long and miss opportunities. I also can’t listen to Talk Radio. I’ve learned that if I listen for too much time that I end up becoming an angry jerk. This is how it affects me. I don’t think everyone else responds that way. I know that I’m better off, given my history, not listening.
Why I’m sharing this is that we are wired with a “Don’t Tread On Me” mentality when our freedom is reduced. Just like kids, we say “oh yeah” and do the very thing we shouldn’t do just to prove a point.
The wise thing to do is to accept that we all have histories and if we are open to learning, that we need to limit our personal freedom based on our history. It keeps us from falling into the ditch!
It kind of sounds easy but it isn’t. How do we do the following two things?
- Learn this ourselves. We can’t teach our kids to do something we can’t do ourselves.
- Teach our kids so that they can learn to limit their own freedom based on learning from their history.
[reminder]How have you taught your kids to learn from rather than repeat mistakes?[/reminder]
Posted: March 12, 2015 by Chuck Hagele
Read it! Book review of “Undone” by Michele Cushatt
I read a lot of books about parenting and helping teens and I’ve noticed the best books, the ones that make the most impact on me and my family, are different from all others in one main way. The best books are built on a foundation of vulnerability and brokenness and the worst books are built on expertise. I learn a lot more from another parent struggling with reality than those that are trying to make life fit nicely into their neat and orderly plan.
Michele Cushatt’s wrote her memoir called, Undone: A Story of Making Peace With an Unexpected Life
not as a parenting book or even as a book for dealing with all sorts of other things like divorce, blended families, cancer and adoption. She simply captured her journey and how she wrestled with her life coming undone and shares that gift with us. The reason I’m such a fan of Michele and her book is through her openness and vulnerability about all these things that have happened in her life a plan emerges that changes how I respond not only to my family but to all areas of my life.
I’ve known about Michele for several years and was able to spend several meals and hours with her last fall at the SCORRE Conference. She is an amazing public speaker and writer (Read her Blog). I asked her about her book as we became acquainted and I knew right away that she had written something that I needed and that a lot of parents would be helped by. Michele has agreed to be on my podcast later this year because she feels connected to the real families that struggle with how hard it is to raise kids and instill not only life skills but also hope to live despite setbacks.
Go buy the book. If you aren’t a reader, you can by the recorded version in which Michele reads it to you. Buy the book and don’t put off reading it. Just a bit of disclosure, if you buy the book on Amazon using the link above, Project Patch will make a few pennies.
I don’t want to give away the story but what I can tell you is that you will laugh, get something in your eye and feel both more vulnerable and hopeful than before you read it. Here are some quotes from the book that really stood out to me.
I find that I tend to miss out on life and on significant opportunities to impact my family because I’m either too preoccupied by my fears, attempting to figure out why things aren’t fair, or trying to force my present circumstances to meet my expectations. Instead, Michele through this book has given me another alternative, one that requires way more prayers, patience, trust and humility.
Did I say you should buy this book and read it right away?
* Disclosure: I received a pre-release copy of the book but am not receiving any financial reward for working to get the word out about this book.
Posted: February 10, 2015 by Chuck Hagele
My History Limits My Freedom
There are some phrases that I’ve used over and over all the while not really knowing what they meant. I’ve gone through over 40 Christmas seasons and only this year, while leading about 30 5-8 year olds in caroling did I ask the question, “What does ‘in ex shell cheese day oh” mean?” Okay, I knew it was latin and spelled differently but I just wasn’t sure. One of the adults googled it for me and you should too.
There is a phrase that I’ve never had a doubt what it means, “Don’t tread on me.” It is on the license plates in Virginia and it’s origin goes way back. General Gadsden used it to motivate his troops during the American Revolution. The idea is pretty clear, mess with my freedom and you’ll regret it.
Taking away freedom is one of the touchiest things we can do. As I write this, it jumped out at me that I’m really protective of my freedom but I don’t give a second thought about taking away the freedom of my kids. I know their chances of reaching adulthood safely require me to take freedoms but I shouldn’t be surprised when it bothers them.
I’ve been reading Ask It: The Question That Will Revolutionize How You Make Decisions
by Andy Stanley in which he gives a seemingly basic model for making wise decisions. The question is, “What is the wise thing to do?” And then give three specific areas to focus on.
It’s a good book and I it helped me. I wish I had read it as a teen and encourage parents to read and share the book with their kids.
I won’t even try to capture the book in this short post, however I’d like to focus on question #1.
What Andy teaches is that our history reduces our options. There are options which seem really good because they are morally fine, scripturally fine, and would be perfectly good decisions except one problem, our personal history. My history makes this particular decision unwise.
Think for a minute and if you are like me you know areas where you’ve made mistakes over and over. These don’t have to be huge moral or addiction related either. Given my history, I can’t use the snooze button. I’ve tried and every time, I end up sleeping too long and miss opportunities. I also can’t listen to Talk Radio. I’ve learned that if I listen for too much time that I end up becoming an angry jerk. This is how it affects me. I don’t think everyone else responds that way. I know that I’m better off, given my history, not listening.
Why I’m sharing this is that we are wired with a “Don’t Tread On Me” mentality when our freedom is reduced. Just like kids, we say “oh yeah” and do the very thing we shouldn’t do just to prove a point.
The wise thing to do is to accept that we all have histories and if we are open to learning, that we need to limit our personal freedom based on our history. It keeps us from falling into the ditch!
It kind of sounds easy but it isn’t. How do we do the following two things?
- Learn this ourselves. We can’t teach our kids to do something we can’t do ourselves.
- Teach our kids so that they can learn to limit their own freedom based on learning from their history.
[reminder]How have you taught your kids to learn from rather than repeat mistakes?[/reminder]Posted: February 2, 2015 by Chuck Hagele
Protecting Our Kids from Sex Trafficking with Lindsay Holmes of Shared Hope International
There are things that keep me up at night and most have to do with the health and well being of my girls. The hardest for me is not dwelling on scenarios that leave them vulnerable no matter how hard I try to prevent or prepare them. I’m not a big fan of stories about astroids hitting earth because I’m not able to do much about it.
I also can get pretty worked up about risks and get so focused on the risk that I forget that I can prepare my kids to face it. One of the areas that concern me as a parent and in my work at Project Patch with out teens is sex trafficking.
I met Linda Smith the founder and president of Shared Hope International several years ago and have been following her work closely because it helps me prepare rather than worry about the risk of sex trafficking.
Lindsay Holmes, Awareness Manger at Shared Hope International and I sat at a meeting together several months ago and I knew right away that she would be a great guest on the podcast. She is not only active in raising awareness about Shared Hope but more importantly, she is active in teaching teens, parents and the community about how to eradicate it.
Here are some things that really stood out to me as I spent time recording this episode with Lindsay in our studio.
I hope you enjoy the podcast and encourage you to become for familiar with the work of Shared Hope. You can listen below or listen on iTunes.
Lisent to the Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe: RSS
Here are some Links:
Website: www.sharedhope.org
Chosen Teen Curriculum: HERE
Become an Ambassador of Hope: HERE
Video of Shared Hope raising awareness at Super Bowl (YouTube): Watch HERE
Video of how pornography creates “Johns” (YouTube): Watch HERE
Announcements:
February 21 – Help! Technology is Invading My Home Seminar will be in Boise Idaho. This free seminar is hosted in partnership with KTSY Family Radio and The Experience Church. This is a free training for parents, mentors and is focused on helping parents be more effective in helping their kids deal with risks like Internet pornography, video games, and social media. Child care is provided. More details in the Up Coming Events page of this blog.
Family Experience Discount about to expire! We are offering a 20% discount on the Family Experience coming up on February 19-22. Call Jessica at 360-690-8495 to get registered or find out more at www.thefamilyexperience.org.