A perfect storm is only perfect from the standpoint that conditions couldn’t be any worse. For those that know me, I’m an optimist. Yes, I’m the annoying, “wow, that is a nice cup of water” kind of guy. So to focus on the negative side of things goes against my nature.
However, I’ve recently been spending some time focused on the perfect storm when giving parenting seminars and during sermons.
I run into two groups of people. Those with their heads in the sand that believe that things aren’t that bad and that kids just need to “grow up and get a job”. They often tell stories about what things were like when they were growing up; not for the sake of empathy but to dismiss the challenges kids and families are facing.
The other group is panicked and heading to the bunkers with their kids and an emergency supply of food. To them, the world is a scary place and the only chance their kids have is to be bubble wrapped and under their wing.
In both cases, parents aren’t helping kids. In the first, kids aren’t helped in dealing with the reality that there really is a perfect storm that is forming in which kids are the attack. It is becoming the norm for kids to grow up with a relationship deficit. Growing up without an involved dad, in a single a parent home, not attending church, not being mentored or apprenticed, not knowing neighbors, being in a huge classroom at school, and not being connected with grandparents. Then there is the massive attack that is coming from the glut of internet pornography, cyberbullying, escapism based gaming, sexual confusion, and long term exposure to violence. Finally, drug use is being normalized and access to drugs and alcohol is easier than ever. We are dealing with a level of hopelessness in which teens don’t expect to find a marriage that lasts, a job that satisfies, and relationships that sustain.
To those that think things aren’t too bad, I share the purpose statement of Satan which is to steal, kill, and destroy. Jesus shared it in John 10:10 just exactly what Satan is up to. But more importantly, Jesus also revealed what he was up to. “I have come that they may have life and have it abundantly”.
So for the first group, I remind them that there is a storm that they need to protect their kids from but for the second group that is terrified and hiding their kids, I remind them that Jesus came to give abundance rather than fear.
Here are a couple of things that I hope you take away.
- The storm is real and kids are being physically, emotionally, and spiritually stolen, killed, and destroyed like never before.
- We have a responsibility to restore as many support systems for kids as possible. We need to strengthen marriages, families, churches, communities, and schools to fulfill their purpose.
- We need to personally get involved in the solution.
The perfect storm is brewing but at the same time, the perfect answer is already with us.
Question: How are things becoming even more challenging for kids growing up and what areas should be the focus on to experience abundant life despite these things?
Posted: August 15, 2013 by Chuck Hagele
Relationships: The Path to Longer, Happier Living – Grandparents and Grandchildren
This post was written by Jim Smith, a long time friend of Project Patch who worked as a therapist at our Youth Ranch and helped launch our Family Experience. He no longer works at Project Patch but continues to serve families, teens, and equip the church for ministry.
We live in a wonderful and great country and yet sometimes our culture can stray a bit when it comes to values and priorities, especially in terms of what it takes to be happy and enjoy life.
I read a recent article that was excellent in highlighting the effect of positive relationships on the lives of those within those relationships. The article was Grandparents and Grandchildren Can Protect Each Other’s Mental Health
By Bahar Gholipour, August 12, 2013 (http://www.livescience.com/38807-grandparents-grandchildren-protect-mental-health.html)
I want to spend the next few articles talking about relationships and their effects on our lives. We are all in relationships, some bring us joy and some bring clouds while others seem neutral. All of these relationships affect us and we contribute to that effect.
Gholipour, quoting a study presented at this year’s Annual Meeting of the American Sociological Association in New York, found that both grandparents and adult grandchildren who felt emotionally close to the other generation had fewer symptoms of depression, and that “extended family members, such as grandparents and grandchildren, serve important functions in one another’s daily lives throughout adulthood.” This study looked at 376 grandparents and 340 grandchildren and tracked their mental health from 1985 to 2004.
The study showed that besides the positive mental-health effects of an emotionally close relationship between grandparents and grandchildren, it seems important for grandparents to be able to reciprocate the help they receive from their grandchildren, according to the researchers. This would say that grandchildren feel good about helping their grandparents and the grandparents feel good when they can give back in some way to affirm the efforts of their grandchildren.
I have noticed in my family, ministry, and practice that grandparents often have special relationships with their grandchildren. I think it is because grandparents can do a good job of affirming or validating their grandchildren. Parents do this also but they have the burden of…parenting, which the grandparents do not and so are usually looking for more of the positive rather than the negative. This can generate positive regard between grandparents and grandchildren. This positive regard often leads to conversations between grandparents and grandchildren during which grandchildren divulge fears, concerns, and ask questions that give grandparents the opportunity for mentoring. As grandchildren grow up, this positive regard leads to acts of kindness that bring pleasure to their grandchildren, and where grandparents are allowed to reciprocate in some way, this leads to pleasure for them.
This is a great example of how positive relationships create a sense of happiness for those who enjoy them and this leads to a more satisfying life which leads to less depression and dissatisfaction which leads to a longer more satisfying life.
Have you communicated with your grandparents/grandchildren lately?
Posted: August 13, 2013 by Chuck Hagele
A Perfect Storm
A perfect storm is only perfect from the standpoint that conditions couldn’t be any worse. For those that know me, I’m an optimist. Yes, I’m the annoying, “wow, that is a nice cup of water” kind of guy. So to focus on the negative side of things goes against my nature.
However, I’ve recently been spending some time focused on the perfect storm when giving parenting seminars and during sermons.
I run into two groups of people. Those with their heads in the sand that believe that things aren’t that bad and that kids just need to “grow up and get a job”. They often tell stories about what things were like when they were growing up; not for the sake of empathy but to dismiss the challenges kids and families are facing.
The other group is panicked and heading to the bunkers with their kids and an emergency supply of food. To them, the world is a scary place and the only chance their kids have is to be bubble wrapped and under their wing.
In both cases, parents aren’t helping kids. In the first, kids aren’t helped in dealing with the reality that there really is a perfect storm that is forming in which kids are the attack. It is becoming the norm for kids to grow up with a relationship deficit. Growing up without an involved dad, in a single a parent home, not attending church, not being mentored or apprenticed, not knowing neighbors, being in a huge classroom at school, and not being connected with grandparents. Then there is the massive attack that is coming from the glut of internet pornography, cyberbullying, escapism based gaming, sexual confusion, and long term exposure to violence. Finally, drug use is being normalized and access to drugs and alcohol is easier than ever. We are dealing with a level of hopelessness in which teens don’t expect to find a marriage that lasts, a job that satisfies, and relationships that sustain.
To those that think things aren’t too bad, I share the purpose statement of Satan which is to steal, kill, and destroy. Jesus shared it in John 10:10 just exactly what Satan is up to. But more importantly, Jesus also revealed what he was up to. “I have come that they may have life and have it abundantly”.
So for the first group, I remind them that there is a storm that they need to protect their kids from but for the second group that is terrified and hiding their kids, I remind them that Jesus came to give abundance rather than fear.
Here are a couple of things that I hope you take away.
The perfect storm is brewing but at the same time, the perfect answer is already with us.
Question: How are things becoming even more challenging for kids growing up and what areas should be the focus on to experience abundant life despite these things?
Posted: July 25, 2013 by Chuck Hagele
Communication Lessons from a One Lane Bridge