I woke up at 4:30, took a quick shower, drove to the airport, spent 30 minutes waiting in line to have my privacy invaded, and then I boarded my flight. I’ve been flying quite a bit lately and am kind of on autopilot. I’ve become more quirky and picky. For example, I fly on the south side of the plane when flying east in the morning so that I can have the window open without being blinded.
So this morning I boarded my flight, found my row, and sat in my seat. I put my stuff away and started to read. At this point, a skinny person sat next to me. Life is good.
A few minutes later a guy got my attention, he showed me his ticket that said 6D. I was getting ready to show him that 6D was on the other side of the plane when I realized that I was in his seat and the 6A seat I had was the one on the “sun in the window” side of the plane. I not only screwed up his aisle seat, but I had also taken the skinny person’s window seat.
I was reminded about a flight a couple of weeks earlier, only that time things were reversed. Someone was in my seat! I didn’t cause a ruckus but I made it clear that he was in my seat and he moved over and I took my window seat (yes, I was flying west in the evening and so I was on the north side of the plane). During that flight, I learned that this was his second time flying and he hadn’t flown in over 40 years. I felt like a jerk. He would have enjoyed looking out the window and my pettiness made him embarrassed and affected the joy of his flight.
Today, when the man checked his ticket he said, “no problem, I’ll just sit in your seat”. The skinny person didn’t care and so I just stayed in my prime “no sun window seat.” Their graciousness really made me think.
I hadn’t purposefully make screwed things up. I didn’t wake up grumpy or even try to pull one over. I was just plain wrong. But instead of having to explain or correct myself, move and look like an idiot, he just took care of things and reacted quickly and with grace.
Here are my two takeaways from that experience. First, I want to be gracious. Not just on flights when someone is in my seat. I want to assume the best and adjust to other people. Second, I want to not assume the worst about peoples’ mistakes. It is so easy to rush to conclusions and assume motive but that makes for a longer, rougher journey.
How would our interactions with our kids and other family members change if we were gracious instead of going into grumble and rant mode? Would our kids want to be more like us?
Posted: July 23, 2013 by Chuck Hagele
Keeping a Wolf at the Door
Posted: July 18, 2013 by Chuck Hagele
Do I Want to Be Like Me? – My experience with a gracious person
I woke up at 4:30, took a quick shower, drove to the airport, spent 30 minutes waiting in line to have my privacy invaded, and then I boarded my flight. I’ve been flying quite a bit lately and am kind of on autopilot. I’ve become more quirky and picky. For example, I fly on the south side of the plane when flying east in the morning so that I can have the window open without being blinded.
So this morning I boarded my flight, found my row, and sat in my seat. I put my stuff away and started to read. At this point, a skinny person sat next to me. Life is good.
A few minutes later a guy got my attention, he showed me his ticket that said 6D. I was getting ready to show him that 6D was on the other side of the plane when I realized that I was in his seat and the 6A seat I had was the one on the “sun in the window” side of the plane. I not only screwed up his aisle seat, but I had also taken the skinny person’s window seat.
I was reminded about a flight a couple of weeks earlier, only that time things were reversed. Someone was in my seat! I didn’t cause a ruckus but I made it clear that he was in my seat and he moved over and I took my window seat (yes, I was flying west in the evening and so I was on the north side of the plane). During that flight, I learned that this was his second time flying and he hadn’t flown in over 40 years. I felt like a jerk. He would have enjoyed looking out the window and my pettiness made him embarrassed and affected the joy of his flight.
Today, when the man checked his ticket he said, “no problem, I’ll just sit in your seat”. The skinny person didn’t care and so I just stayed in my prime “no sun window seat.” Their graciousness really made me think.
I hadn’t purposefully make screwed things up. I didn’t wake up grumpy or even try to pull one over. I was just plain wrong. But instead of having to explain or correct myself, move and look like an idiot, he just took care of things and reacted quickly and with grace.
Here are my two takeaways from that experience. First, I want to be gracious. Not just on flights when someone is in my seat. I want to assume the best and adjust to other people. Second, I want to not assume the worst about peoples’ mistakes. It is so easy to rush to conclusions and assume motive but that makes for a longer, rougher journey.
How would our interactions with our kids and other family members change if we were gracious instead of going into grumble and rant mode? Would our kids want to be more like us?
Posted: June 25, 2013 by Chuck Hagele
Asking Great Questions (Pt. 4)
“Are we there yet?” Every parent hates that question. I have a feeling that some of you may be asking the same thing about this series on Asking Great Questions.
So far we’ve looked at asking questions that help us succeed and survive, and in this final installment, we are going to focus on sustaining.
I was a bit confused by Ken Coleman’s choice of “sustaining” as this third focus. I assumed a natural result of success and survival was sustaining. However, as humans we need fuel. One of the hardest things to get right during the 12-14 hours of racing an Ironman triathlon is eating/fueling properly. Eat too much and I can’t run, eat too little and I run out of energy. In order for me to finish, I need to be focused during the whole race on fueling properly.
So, what fuels your family? What fuels you to want to be together rather than apart? What holds your family to your goals?
There were several very difficult years in my marriage in which Kelly and I were both working to improve our marriage but it wasn’t easy. We had a great history together and strong hopes and plans for the future but keeping going daily was really tough. At the low point, our fuel was our commitment to one another and to God. Over time, we discovered, developed, and deepened the things that bonded us together and fueled us. We focused on identifying doing more things that pulled us together and fewer things that pulled us apart. Not easy, but I praise God that we made it through those tough times.
Do you know what fuels your marriage?
One of the things I love about the Project Patch Family Experience is that families are led through experiences and discussions which help the family identify things that they value and would like to do more of. I was surprised the first time I heard a young boy say that he’d rather go to Project Patch than a summer camp. Even though they were hard and awkward, he loved doing things that brought their family together and made them more secure. Since that time, so many other skeptical kids have shared how good it felt to be listened to, talking about real things, and seeing their parents trying.
Family vacations and celebrations are a lot of fun and create long term memories, but most kids are fueled by small and ordinary things rather than occasional huge things. Don’t assume that you know what makes your kids want to be around you more than their friends. They may not respond to a blunt question but keep trying and before you know it you will stumble on a great question that pierces the fog and gets at the heart of what your child wants from family.
Here are a couple of ideas when talking to your kids:
A great question is worthless unless it is asked. It isn’t easy and I’ve found that I have more strikeouts than hits. Yet I’ve found some great insight and growth in those times in which I’ve heard an unexpected response and realized that my wife or little girl shared a piece of their heart with me that I would never have known unless I took the time to ask, and then listen for her heart.