by Chuck
I’m currently reading “Hooked: The Pitfalls of Media, Technology, and Social Networking” by Gregory L. Jantz. I didn’t plan on reading it but Tom Sanford gave me an autographed copy from Greg that said, “Enjoy & Be Blessed!” and so I decided to put down my phone and iPad and read it.
What do you think about this quote from the book?
“The positives and negatives technology unleashes are ultimately personal; they come from inside you. The connection that makes the most difference where all this technology is concerned is the one you have with yourself.”
Because of my background in technology and since I look young, I get quite a few questions from parents about how to deal with technology in the home. Most parents are looking for a pronouncement; Facebook is bad, YouTube is evil, MySpace is bad (no it is not abandoned). I am now also asked, “What is Pinterest?” (My answer: It’s for moms who want to feel bad about themselves.)
The reality is that all media can be used for good and bad. Just like paper can be used to record the Bible or hate, technology can be great and horrible. The key for parents is to focus on both the threat from outside and the threat from inside when combating the negatives of technology.
Threat from Outside
Jantz talks about how most of us use a bunch of locks on our doors, and windows to keep harm and undesirables out of our homes, yet we rarely lockout threats based on communication (Internet, phone, texting). The locks on doors protect our physical safety but what about our mental and spiritual safety? I’m not advocating getting rid of the phone, TV, and Internet, but they do need to be identified as possible threats. You need to allow in only the kind of guests you’d let in through your front door, to sit on your couch, and visit with you face to face.
Threat from Inside
This is the greatest threat. Jesus teaches that it isn’t what goes into us that makes us unclean but what comes out. Our hearts betray us and so do the hearts of our kids. The best shield won’t protect your child from evil and temptation because our hearts are inherently evil. The key for us as parents is to engage with our kids in an authentic and age-appropriate way about the deceptive ways of our hearts and to build character and ultimately a hunger and thirst for righteousness.
Here are some examples of connecting at the heart level about technology.
- I sometimes say stuff in texts and online that I’d never had the nerve to say face to face. Why do you think it is easier to say mean stuff online?
- There are so many ads online, it seems like everyone is trying to sell something. Why do you think so many of the ads use pictures or sayings that are about sex?
- I’ve noticed that when I have a lot of hard things to do, that all I want to do is get on Facebook, or YouTube and then I feel frustrated because I still have a lot to do and now even less time. Does this ever happen to you?
These are only a few conversation starters but the key is exploring some of the open doors and creating a discussion not only about the challenge but creating ways to protect our hearts from the temptation.
Question:
In what ways have you been able to engage with your kids about the threat of technology from the inside?
Posted: February 26, 2013 by Chuck Hagele
Perspective: The Closer You Get, the Harder it Is
As I write this, I’m on a plane flying over Wyoming. I left this morning at 10 a.m. from St. Louis, stopped in Kansas City to switch flights (by the way, avoid this airport unless you enjoy the feeling caged in and hungry) and now I’m headed toward Portland.
As we took off, we went right over the Gateway Arch which marks the start of the Journey Westward. I went up in the arch yesterday and toured the museum which tells the story of Lewis and Clark and the westward expansion. One of the things that caught my eye was a display that talked about the advent of the railway and how for $111 a passenger could make the trip from St. Louis to Oregon in 4 days rather than the 8 months it used to take on a wagon.
Today, I paid about $140 to do the trip in 7 hours and it feels long. This tells me the “long” is all about perspective – asking the question, “compared to what?”
Flying also is a bit deceptive because from 38,000 feet going 438 mph (Southwest lets you track your flight info), things on the ground don’t look that bad. Sure there are some hills, rivers, mountains, snowbanks, lakes, and canyons. But from this perspective, I can easily see how to get around the obstacles, that mountains have another side, and that there are towns ahead. From ground level, up close things are harder and more daunting.
So, perspective matters. The closer you get, the harder it is.
And this is where I feel the tension as someone who helps other people. I find it easy to form a strategy and plan for other people’s lives but that guy in the mirror is much harder to deal with. It is much easier to deal with other people’s unruly kids than my own. It is easier to guide someone else in being a disciple rather than growing my own faith.
And so I ask of you several things as we partner in helping kids and families:
Question:
Do you think your perspective is “close” or “far”? Is it accurate? How can you get a better perspective of something in the past?
Posted: February 21, 2013 by Chuck Hagele
1/4 Pound at a Time
It had been a really long winter and my cookie to exercise ratio was way off. I was the heaviest I had ever been and was starting to need new clothes. I was about 30 pounds more than I wanted to be and wanted to throw off the weight just like I was getting rid of the heavy winter coat. The only problem is that weight just doesn’t come off that easy.
When I woke up in the morning I knew I didn’t have the ability to lose 30 pounds on that day, but I could lose 1/4 pound. So I started doing two things, eating a bit less and training for a triathlon. That meant every day I was doing what was necessary to lose 1/4 pound.
It took forever, and once I got into the habit of exercise and eating less, I quit weighing myself so often. It took nearly 9 months until one day I realized I need new clothes or at least a new belt.
Losing weight takes time and focusing on concrete daily tasks. Restoring and building relationships is the same, it takes a long term focus on concrete daily tasks rather than a fixation on results.
My wife and I went through some very painful years in our marriage. It didn’t take too much time for us to grow apart and say regretful things, yet it did take a lot of time (several years) and counseling to get to the point that we had a stronger relationship than when we got married. Every day we did the things that would bring us closer and over time, we became closer.
Interactions with teens can be really disheartening because they may seem to react quickly to everything except what you want. Whether you are trying to restore a relationship, become a mentor, bring the teen to faith, or help them make better choices, it will seem like the most discouraging and fruitless activity you have ever done. It will seem like you are working backward and that quitting will seem wiser than moving forward.
Just remember every day to concentrate on doing the daily tasks that will get you to where you need to be.
Here are a few things that you may want to consider doing every day in your quest for your teen:
Keeping going during times of low-to-no feedback is really hard. The kid’s gratitude may not come until they are parents themselves and discover just how much you did. But I hope that you work on developing the practices and make them habits. My guess is that at 1/4 pounds each day, you will eventually find yourself in a place of celebration rather than regret.
Question:
What things are you focused on doing each day to build a relationship with your teen?
Posted: February 19, 2013 by Chuck Hagele
Technology is Attacking My Family!
by Chuck
I’m currently reading “Hooked: The Pitfalls of Media, Technology, and Social Networking” by Gregory L. Jantz. I didn’t plan on reading it but Tom Sanford gave me an autographed copy from Greg that said, “Enjoy & Be Blessed!” and so I decided to put down my phone and iPad and read it.
What do you think about this quote from the book?
Because of my background in technology and since I look young, I get quite a few questions from parents about how to deal with technology in the home. Most parents are looking for a pronouncement; Facebook is bad, YouTube is evil, MySpace is bad (no it is not abandoned). I am now also asked, “What is Pinterest?” (My answer: It’s for moms who want to feel bad about themselves.)
The reality is that all media can be used for good and bad. Just like paper can be used to record the Bible or hate, technology can be great and horrible. The key for parents is to focus on both the threat from outside and the threat from inside when combating the negatives of technology.
Threat from Outside
Jantz talks about how most of us use a bunch of locks on our doors, and windows to keep harm and undesirables out of our homes, yet we rarely lockout threats based on communication (Internet, phone, texting). The locks on doors protect our physical safety but what about our mental and spiritual safety? I’m not advocating getting rid of the phone, TV, and Internet, but they do need to be identified as possible threats. You need to allow in only the kind of guests you’d let in through your front door, to sit on your couch, and visit with you face to face.
Threat from Inside
This is the greatest threat. Jesus teaches that it isn’t what goes into us that makes us unclean but what comes out. Our hearts betray us and so do the hearts of our kids. The best shield won’t protect your child from evil and temptation because our hearts are inherently evil. The key for us as parents is to engage with our kids in an authentic and age-appropriate way about the deceptive ways of our hearts and to build character and ultimately a hunger and thirst for righteousness.
Here are some examples of connecting at the heart level about technology.
These are only a few conversation starters but the key is exploring some of the open doors and creating a discussion not only about the challenge but creating ways to protect our hearts from the temptation.
Question:
In what ways have you been able to engage with your kids about the threat of technology from the inside?